Oh Gog it hurt. My ears, they're aching. There's silence, I can't hear a thing. A blurry figure appeared before my eyes. I blinked once to get my eyes to focus. I don't understand, whats happening? My eyes focused on the figure before me and I realized who it was, Kurloz. A familiar face, thank goodness.
"K-k-kurloz?" I said, or at least tried to say, either I couldn't get the words out, or I just can't hear them. I'm going to have to hope it was I couldn't get the words out. His mouth is moving, but I can't hear him. Is he speaking to me? He looks worried, I wonder why. Dimly, I notice something warm and sticky trickling down my neck. Kurloz's hand touches the side of my face. When he pulls back I see blood on his hand. Blood? Am I bleeding? I don't understand, what's happening? His mouth is moving again but I still can't hear him. "Speak louder.. I ... I can't.." I say or am trying but I still can't hear. It's about then I realize what's happening, but I finish anyway. "...hear you."
We sought advice. We went to Aranea. Of course we did, Aranea seemed to know everything. But the one thing she didn't know turned out to be something very important to me... How to fix me.
"Will it be permanent?" I think he asked, I can only lipread now, so I can never be sure they're saying. I looked at Aranea, but I had a really bad feeling toward what the answer might be. I don't know, maybe it's silly, but I hoped that her answer would be different. Aranea looked at Kurloz for a moment then her eye's drifted to me. I knew I looked hopeful, and I knew she saw that too. She looked sad, if not a bit grim. I don't think she wanted to tell me, I don't think she wanted to crush my hopes, maybe she was afraid, for that I'll never know. But what I do know is all fears must be faced.
Aranea's eye's went back to Kurloz, hesitating, before nodding reluctantly. All the hope that had been building in me after what happened crashed down like a waterfall. Tears came to my eyes, but I held them back. I looked at the ground my eyes burning, disappointment and abandonment of all hope burning inside me. For once, I didn't need to ask them to repeat slower so I could read, I didn't need to lipread. I knew what that meant. But still, I was hoping, beyond what I myself realized that her answer would have been different. What if it was though? What would happen then? Would everyone try to help me get my hearing back? I don't know, I just don't know anymore.
Horror dawned inside me like a tidal wave. Nausea too, I looked at him, my darling, my love with thread going in and out his mouth. A needle in his hand, and blood dripping down his chin. Now looking back, I know I will never forget as I watched the blood, that precious indigo blood drip down his chin and in a drop, much like a tear, drop and hit the floor. No, this can't be right, was all I could think, I couldn't say anything and I couldn't move. Something like an invisible wall seemed to be holding me back, separating us, dropping fear and despair on my shoulders like the wight of the world on my shoulders. Holding it into place. No.... This can't be right, it just can't be, and it wasn't. So why, why was the image infront of me, why did it have to be true? I couldn't deny it, but I could wonder. Wonder why the fates are so cruel to those of us who just want to love.
The image of him with blood running down from his mouth, smiling gently at me with wide eyes haunts me. And it's all my fault. No one else's, but I accept that, even if I don't want to. There is no sound now, not for me, not from him. I will never know if he cried out. I will never be able to be sure of that. My mouth opened in horror, "Kurloz.." I'm sure I whispered. Now, and forever. I started crying, the invisible wall moving out of my way and green tears running down my face as I knelt next to him and touched his mouth, the thread popping out against the rough texture of his bloody lips.. Holding his face, thats all I could do then. "Kurloz... No.. Why?" I think I whispered, over and over. For us both... There is only...